Failmaster 3000
 

So I'm doing the cpe hpfp install. Going smooth with some frustrations. But the real fail comes when I am installing the pump. I start torquing the 3 bolts in to secure the pump. Well, I don't have a torque wrench so I just go ahead and tighten as hard as possible (it's worked for me before...). I'm on my last one, and I keep torquing and it still goes. So I do one more turn, then CRACK. The bolt breaks. I'm like fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Luckily I can pull out the broken piece, but now I have to wait for someone to come home so that I can drive to home depot.

No torque wrench: fail
Tightening at my hardest: ultra fail
Breaking the bolt due to my idiocy: super ultra fail

UGHHHHHHHH....

By the way, anyone know the size of that bolt? :grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::g rumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::gru mpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grump y::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy: :grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy::grumpy:

I think the bigger fail is not being VIP...

If you're not gonna help, GTFO.


lol j/k


Haha yeah, but I'm at the whim of my wife. She sees donating to a website a waste of money :grumpy:

donate and point out the $300 NAV UPGRADE you got fo free as a reason for forking out 10 bills. If she bitches take her to macys and get her a bag.



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tell her that shoes, clothing, and purses are a waste of money

I see her as a waste of money too.

also escaflowne as in the anime? LOL

Also the fail is strong with you, donate and you'll redeem some of yourself.

Well, that is not going to get you much help here...OP

I'll send you fishing. Go to onlinemazdaparts.com and email them for the bolt and part number, then go get a torque wrench with all that money you saved for being a cheap ass.

Ouch, as if my fail today wasn't bad enough....

Anyways, since all y'all are bitching about me donating, I went ahead and did so. So there! Ha! lol

Oh, and I do tell her clothes and purses are a waste of money...

And I know I'm a cheap ass, it's why I'm such a baller... XD

Yep that's pretty fail. Must of really torqued it down.

You can buy a cheap torque wrench at Auto Zone, use it and take it back, cheapass...lol

Yep, it's all deez muscles working... XD

But yeah, I was going to donate anyways, since I got a lot of help from you guys before, so I might as well pay back some of what you guys taught me.

no one has asked for noodz yet?

yeah, I'll just buy it and keep it. God knows I'm gonna need it again...

anyways, nobody knows the size? I tried calling onlinemazdaparts and it seems they are closed, and I can't really wait for an email reply back as I need my car tomorrow (can I add some more fail here please?).

Ugh I'm so pissed at myself right now it's not even funny.

Yeah, escaflowne as in the anime. Hella old, but it's grown on me. Although it is embarrassing whenever someone asks what it means and/or what it is lol

I dont know the size, but i'd suggest if you end up ordering one from onlinemazdaparts, that you go ahead and replace all 3.

those bolts are like 6mm bolts, no need to torque with all your might.

Local dealer would have to order it.

Well I found a replacement, at ace's hardware.....

More fail added in today, my wife's car got towed because the front of the houses of my neighborhood is all fire lane. I parked it there for about an hour because she parks her car in the garage. Well, these mother fuckers towed her car away, even though I offered money to them. Fuck me. Fuck my life. This day is officially the worst day of my life.

man, that sucks. scream a bunch. loudly. that will help. so will some good hot sex.

also, fixing all of your fuck ups will help too. just saying...

I can't help but laugh at how hard you fail. Maybe if you learn to be more of a douchebag you can be our new honorary phillyb.

Thanks for the support guys, I really appreciate it.

/sarcasm

While you are at it, replace all 3 with non torx bolts. You seem to be a fail magnet and those bolts can be problematic so best to reduce your chance for future fail.

And be glad the bolt broke and didn't crack the housing on the fuel pump, or strip the threads. Even if you think its bad, there is another level of fail just waiting.

For future reference, even if you're too cheap to buy torque wrenches, the bolt size generally determines the torque value. Back when it was tough to look stuff up, we had a chart on the wall of the shop listing the threads and bolt sizes and their corresponding torque values. You don't have that but, you can kind of see that small = low torque; big equals more torque. Wee bolts the size of the ones in the CDFP housing shouldn't see much more than 20 lbs/ft, which is not more than a firm hand tight on a 3/8ths ratchet.

OP reminded me of this hilarious song... making fun of today's rap and the pointless lyrics. Dude actually beatboxed the whole song too